Journal Entry: 8/21/24
That’s a wrap on my first production as a director—what a whirlwind. Being both the director and an actor in the scenes made it challenging to track what had been shot, where we were going, and what coverage we still needed. To keep the budget low (since it was coming out of my pocket), I took on multiple roles—casting, wardrobe, craft, props, and more. I felt intense nerves leading up to the shoot, treating it like a student film, a lesson in anxiety.
A big fear was letting people down—the unknowns, the fragility of everything falling apart if one key component failed. The production felt like an intricate house of cards: if a top piece fell, we could recover, but if the foundation crumbled, we were screwed. Every moving part—cast, crew, locations—had to stay intact. Coordinating it all felt like an all-or-nothing gamble, especially when it came to securing a sound guy. At times, it felt like two steps forward, three steps back.
August 20 was circled on the calendar, and as the date approached, people committed, but we were still missing major players—sound and locations. The week leading up to the shoot was hectic both creatively and logistically. My biggest fear came true when the restaurant we planned to film in fell through at the last minute. They were excited about the project but kept delaying a confirmed time, and finally, at 8 PM the night before, they told me it wasn’t possible to let us in until 10 AM. Scrambling to adjust, we had to move the scene outside, which completely changed the shoot’s logistics.
Joe, my DP, was honest about the challenges I hadn’t fully considered. He never told me to throw in the towel, but his practical concerns made me think about it. I felt defeated, stressed, and sad, but also relieved at the thought of it all being over. With 12 emails, I could have shut it all down. Was it worth paying for sound and crew just to shoot near a potentially noisy street? I walked the location one last time that night. The only non-negotiable was access to a bathroom. Which when I found out we had access to a coded bathroom and after speaking with the sound designer and hearing a nonchalant, We’ll be good, I decided to push forward.
The entire process was exhausting, but also exciting, challenging, and rewarding. I found my stride directing actors, guiding them toward the performance I envisioned. I needed some reminders to think ahead to the edit and making sure we had the necessary coverage. Ultimately, this experience gave me much-needed forward motion and confidence toward a more creative chapter of my life.